You know there is something wrong when you didn't know it was the last day of June and thought it was  still May...

I did however know it was Sunday.

I need to get out more.

When you have a baby with disabilities

(at least for me)

You try not to go out much.

It's not so much for the fear of people staring or saying something.

I just fear I am going to have a toddler having a fit and a baby crying 

while I am trying to find something I forgot.
I just don't think I'd survive that.
Not yet.

I mean I have other reasons, but I'm not going into detail with them.

And I just don't like the sun.

I don't like to sweat or get darker than I am.

BUT

Now that we are hopefully done with Liam and surgeries...

I've been thinking.

I need to live life a little better.

So here is my list of 5 things I would love to do this summer:

(once Liam is fully recovered)

Go on a hike maybe every weekend. The last time I went hiking...I can't remember. When Casey and I were dating we liked hiking. I kind of miss that. Sure it will be harder with kids so maybe we will find an alternative to it, if needed. Eliana just loves the outdoors and begs us to take her out. I need to pay attention to that because who knows how long she will ask us to take her out.

Take the kids to the library. We go to the library to check out movies and books BUT that's not what I am talking about. Eliana loves books and loves reading and our library holds groups where some one reads to them and they do some craft thing. I need to take Eliana to that, I am sure she would love it.

Star Gazing. I would love to go camping but with these kids I find that it will be hard. So. I would love to just go out and look at the stars. When Casey and I were dating we would sit in our from porch and just talk for hours. One night we saw at least three shooting stars. They looked close and so beautiful. Something I definitely miss.

Donate. I have mentioned in Liam's blog about wanting to do something nice for someone. While we were in the hospital Liam and Eliana were gifted some blankets. Maybe I could use my skills to sew something and give to the hospital. I haven't exactly come up with a brilliant idea so maybe coming up with ideas will come first.

Make a friend. So... I have lived here for 3 years already. Beginning of July will be 3. I only know a couple of people but have not made a friend and I need to. I'll be here at least two years more and I need someone to party up with. So if you are in my area and need a social life, I'm down. 
Look me up. 
I need adult talk.
Go out and have a coke.
Go watch the chick flicks just to get a break.

Who knows...

May be I'll become more adventurous and do amazing things by the end of the summer.

I think this is a start.

Super Woman

 So I'd like to share one of my dreams and life goal.

As I am sure there are lots of women out there who share this dream and goal that I have.

When I was married I dreamt of being a superwife. When I became pregnant, a supermom. 

Now my dream is to one day become superwoman.

Everyday I try to do everything that I can.

I have to rescue a crying toddler from whatever disaster she is in.

Whether it's that she can't turn her wagon and is stuck. 

Or she can't change the diaper on her doll, can't reach the book she is looking for, or daddy just won't give her what she wants.

I have to be there.

At the same time I have to fix a bottle to a hungry baby before he becomes overly hungry.

Change their diapers. Bathe them. Make sure they are groomed well.

Might I add I have to be cooking one delicious meal. I guess 3 a day really, at least.

While trying to make sure all the laundry is done.

While making sure the bills are paid and we haven't spent more than we can.

Not to mention that the house HAS to be nice & neat, clean, and organized.

You know because we have soooo many people that come over. Kidding.

While trying to finish my schooling and making phone calls everyday to set up appointments.

All while wondering if I will ever get a bathroom break without a toddler knocking at my door crying hysterically, (even if her dad is home) or even standing in front of me watching me.

But most importantly trying to make memories and capture each of them with my children.

Oh and did I mention I have to do all of this plus make sure I beautify myself before my husband comes home from work that way he can come home and just relax and do as he pleases.

You like my drawing?

The truth is...

I am not superwoman.

I can't always do everything.

I can't always make a screaming toddler happy.

I can't always get to a hungry baby on time, or a dirty diaper.

I can't cook delicious meals. No really...I'm not a great cook.

But I can order. Just kidding. I make what I can and I will be lucky enough to get away without having to share my meal with a toddler.

(As I type this she steals my last bite of PB&J)

But I love it. 

A dirty shirt always tends to appear as soon as the hampers are empty and the clothes clean.

My house will never be clean for than a few minutes.

I may not get a break right now without a toddler following me but she won't always be this little.

School can wait.

Memories are much more important.

But this would all be more stressful if I didn't have my husband.

The reality is that we split all the things that need to be done. 

Our hair isn't always neat.

My husband comes home to me and gives me my kiss and hugs

Even if I am wearing PJs and his shirts.

If he is lucky I may have already brushed my teeth. lol.

My hair may look like when I woke up.

But I honestly say that I wouldn't change any of this for that dream.

Reality is much more fun.

Thoughts of the morning...

Last night we were getting ready to watch "The Burbs"

I hadn't seen it...ever

It was a pretty ok movie.... anyways

There, next to our couch I have two years of magazines.

How many have I actually read?

They are all Parents Magazine that I bought when I found out I was pregnant with my first.

I guess I thought somehow they would make me the greatest mom. 

I would become a pro at motherhood by the time my baby arrived!

I don't know that I fully read a single one.

I must admit, those cute little kid quotes are funny.

What can I say....hopefully I have fully gotten over that phase

I know I am for sure not the mom I planned to be. Meh...

But I may just read one today.

Who knows? Maybe I will learn something new.

Have I you I have so many phases I go through?

This other time I wanted to become a professional photographer.

Did I? No.

I'm close, I promise.

I have a nice camera. 

Isn't that a start?

Maybe when my kids get older and let me take pictures of them.

For now it's more of candid and they usually end up like this...

 She turns as soon as I take the picture....

 This one is cute...

 Anyone know of free photography classes? Want to take me?

Or anyone willing to teach me?

Why can't I get my passwords right?

I have way too many emails and too many passwords. 

I don't understand why I can't stick to one.

Life would be easier!

Ok!

 No I am not obsessed with Pitch Perfect.

I am obsessed with movies and people that can do this with their voice!

It is just amazing and I don't get tired of listening to this.

I get the chills every time.

Ugh I need to get back to trying to finish my Associates...

Who wants to be my very imperfect best friend?

I recently (like today) read this blog Quit Pointing Your Avocado at Me- Momastery
And if you are a mom, well... even if you are not...you should read it.
I found it quite fantastic.

I think that this is something that affects many women.
I can't say for sure that there aren't "Mommy Wars"
If you watch Pretty Wicked Moms you would know what I'm talking about.

If there is one thing I do not like is drama and comparison.

Look I am a mother of two.
I have appointments at the Dr at what seems at least 2-3 times a week.
I feed my child when she is hungry and what she will eat. One day it may be broccoli another day it may be a cookie. Sue me.
I have problems. Not going to pretend I don't.
Why yes I cannot afford to buy more than comfortable PJs.
Yes my hair isn't always combed and my makeup isn't always done.
My house can be a mess and I let my child do it.
Why? I let her be a child at the comfort of her home.
When we are out yes I have a leash for my 20 month old. Oh you don't?
I am glad yours can stay w you when you tell her and not run off in front of a car.
Yes my husband just about goes everywhere with me, even if he misses work.
It's his choice, he loves me.
No I do not show off my kids. I am simply happy to share how blessed I am to have healthy and happy babies, even through trials.
No I am not thin.
I like to eat.
Chocolate and pizza...
No, I have no time to work out. But if you would like to work out w me instead of judging my appearance, let's do it.
No I do not breast feed. Nor did I for very long.
I am just glad I can feed my child at all.
No my daughter doesn't always dress in great clothes or have pretty pig tails or matching outfits.
My husband helps me with her so that I can have time to myself and with our little guy.
And she doesn't like her hair tied and likes to be naked sometimes.
No we do not buy organic or buy from a farm. Maybe when we are rich and have lots of time to spend hours in our kitchen.
It is great that you and your husband have time to yourself.
We have "at-home-dates" and we have a GREAT time!
No I do not have a job that pays me great money or a job at all to bring home some income. My husband doesn't want me to and I am not going to fight him. I love being at home with my babies.
I thinks that's about all.
If you are the opposite of me, I look up to you.
I do not judge you for your choices. I do not know your situation, how much free time you have, anything really.
In fact, I want a very imperfect friend.

Reminiscing...

Today I have a lot of free time...
I can only thank my husband for it.
I am upstairs watching over Liam.
I can't do much with him but have to watch when he needs a diaper, feeding, and is bored of his position and have to change him.
It's hard to tell over the monitor.
Liam isn't much of a crier, more like a whiner.
So I feel terrible if I just leave him in a room with a monitor.
Anyways
A name kept popping up. I typed it on youtube and found that it was one of my favorite bands that I hadn't heard in a loooooong time. Years.
Oh those good ol' memories.
Not that today we aren't making memories. But I miss my brothers.
Last night I made a jar of popsicle sticks with "at-home-date" ideas.
Just because we are so busy with our kids doesn't mean my husband and I should forget about our needs.
Casey is in charge of Eliana today and I have a tendency to run to the rescue when she cries. It's not that I don't trust my husband, I just don't like her to cry.
Anyways, so in order to block that I listened to my good ol' music from high school, after high school and that led me to play my guitar.
Time well spent and needed.

May 2013

This month Liam was scheduled for surgery and was canceled.

Can't say I am thrilled about that.

Call me a bad mother for wanting it.
My poor baby still doesn't do much.

We are trying to get him to roll over but won't and just falls right to sleep when we put him on his tummy.

Eliana has become a fan of pretend play and dress up.

Nothing wrong with that, in fact, I am loving it.

She will just twirl in her tinker bell costume. Casey isn't a fan of her but Eliana doesn't know her she just likes her costume and will dance around in it.

I also forgot to mention how much Eliana loves to sing. Always.

But the last time we went to the Beach Resort we bought her an inflatable microphone.

She just loves to sing on that thing.

"I will always love you" Celine Dion is a favorite.

And for some reason we tell Eliana it's "nose" and she says "honk"

And she likes for her doll to travel with her in her car seat.

At the beginning of the month we took Eliana and Liam to the place were Casey proposed.

It's a special place for us and they enjoyed it.

Eliana just loves the outdoors.

We had a picnic on the back of our new volvo. 

Sadly I had a miscarriage the beginning of the month.

I was two months pregnant but we still were able to enjoy ourselves out and about.

Since Liam was scheduled for surgery my mom offered to come help.

SO she was in town for a while.

Before we picked my mom up from the airport we took the kids to the SLC zoo.

It was so much fun.

Hot but fun.

Eliana is an animal lover so she just went crazy. 

She was a little scared of the rhino statue but she took up the courage to touch him. Then she tried climbing his back.

We only stayed for a couple of hours since we knew Eliana wouldn't be able to take it but 

She definitely had a blast. I thought she was going to be tired but we were more tired than she was.

I can't really say what her favorite was but I am going to guess rhino because she hadn't seen one before.

There was a little boy who was with a big family and he got on a scale to see how much he weighed. He then told his family to get on. Want to guess what happened?

Eliana just got right on top, in front of him like they were talking to her.

Such a cute girl.

Since Liam's surgery was canceled my mom decided to go home earlier but we still took advantage wile she was here.

Casey and I had a date.

We went to Trafalga as Casey's early birthday bash.

We had fun at the batting cages, racing, playing putt putt.

I think I have mastered the technique in putt putt.

But since it was Casey's birthday I let him win.

We were also blessed to see Elder L. Tom Perry at a Wendy's we were eating.

The highlight of the month was....

I haven't changed my ID and I've been married over 2 years. Sue me.

I went to the bank to withdraw money. They said I needed to change my ID. They would only help me this time. Before leaving they said "And congrats on your marriage!"

Ah man.

Ps

I am so grateful to be a mother and be blessed with beautiful children. It's like having the sun and the moon at the same time. Eliana means "daughter of the sun". Such a bright girl. Full of love, energy and so much warmth. Always giving kisses and big hugs. Liam. Protects the home while daddy is at work. (Even if he falls asleep on the job). He has done so much for our family and there is no doubt in my mind he will do greater things. Our little moon. Lights the way through our darkest times. It's hard not to just stop, stare, just breathe and smile and feel peace. I'm in love with my husband and kids.

April 2013

This month Liam had an appointment with ophthalmology.
He's been doing good.
Poor baby can't do much still.
He also had an appointment with Neurosurgery.

Eliana has learned some of her shapes. Triangle & heart being the main ones.
She likes the number 2
Eliana also woke me up one day playing with my hair and my back. When I woke up she greeted me with her gorgeous eyes, a huge smile, a kiss, a hug, another kiss and said "hi.
She knows what a hippo is but calls them "apadoo"
No idea where that came from.

One day I was so tired I fell asleep while Eliana ate.
Casey thought I was dead because I didn't respond to him when he called out for me. 
I was so tired I had fallen asleep on the floor by Elianas high chair in fetal position.
So he went looking for me.

Those are about all the high lights of this month.